I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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