I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
