I heard we made out
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
