Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
