Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
