he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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