Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
