Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
