Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
