if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
