Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
