I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I currently don't understand fingers.
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