Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
