I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
