Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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