pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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