1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Randomize
