Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
