I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
