and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
only if we run a train.
done.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
