New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
