she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
