Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
