Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
