shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
