it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
