Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
