She's JV to your varsity
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
