You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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