yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
