And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize