Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
