At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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