They should really pass out barf bags in church
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
