I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
