i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why do cheetos always look like penises
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
