are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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