I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
