That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize