oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
