remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
