dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
