It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
