A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
