You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
