I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
