Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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