The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
