take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
