they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Success! We fucked roommates!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
