Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
