Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
