Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
