My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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