she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
