it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
