i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
