Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
