I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize