Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's blow job season.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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