i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
