omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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