pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Screwed.edu
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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