the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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