if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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