Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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