Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
